whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
