Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
