Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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