I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
