God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
