great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
