ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
