Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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