is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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