my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
