ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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