I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
