Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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