I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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