Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
