I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
