Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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