she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
