I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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