He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
