im gay
i know
yea but for you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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