i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i think i just lost a toe
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
