i think my tv is drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you didnt know i had herpes?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize