420 ftw
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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