Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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