the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize