then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
