haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Come back. Shots need mouths.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
