where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize