Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My life is pants optional.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
