You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
