He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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