he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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