Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize