Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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