We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
