Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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