You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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