i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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