WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
