My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
