Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
smell my finger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize