At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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