i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
