Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize