threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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