youre lurking in front of me
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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