***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
