drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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