What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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