I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
