just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
