i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
