what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
