dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
