he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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