babies were throwing up all over the place
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
