Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
