Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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