How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
