i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
