Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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