last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
