put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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