I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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