It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
