We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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