i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
wow bdsm is so cute
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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