why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
