He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
