he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
