I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
