Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
