Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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