Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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