you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
