I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm at about main and main street
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
