Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
