we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize