Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
