Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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