Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
