If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
