my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
