i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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