I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
