what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
