You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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