I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
