were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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