I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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