This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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