Don't you send me to vm
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
