Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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