these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
