Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Say something about gay babies.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
