You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
