It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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