Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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