goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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