Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
